Pain

My life is filled with pain.
Pain is all there is left.
Pain stuffed inside of me
The pain I have is deep,
Pain that people don't know
Pain that it took to just be me
Pain I go through. but people can't see.
Lost in numbness for years running from pain.

The only thing I can count on
The one thing I understand it is all
I have all I feel for
My life is filled with pain
All this pain that's held in me
Can't let anyone near me,
Can't let anyone see the real me,
Can't let anyone even hug me,

All this pain that's eating me,
Can't let go of the pain in me,
Can't get this pain from me,
Can't get this pain out of me.
More Pain Each day is what I gain…
No happiness, no joy,
The more pain I gain,
Its horrible and discussing…

I wish the pain wasn't in my life;
But it is and it’s killing me,
When will the pain stop hurting me?
Why can't I just feel me?
Why can't I just be me?
Why can't someone take this pain from me?
One can say that pain never leave,
One can say that pain is curable,
But one thing surely happens is pain leaves its mark.

Kolam

The colorful kolam tradition dates back to the Indus Valley Civilization (2500 B.C). Kolams were often drawn with coarse rice flour since it served as a food source to nature's creatures like ants and crows. Rice flour is seen as an offering to Lakshmi, the goddess of rice and wealth. The goddess has the power to attract prosperity and to prevent poverty from entering the home. Kolam means form and beauty. Kolams symbolize auspiciousness and a welcoming environment. The 'kolam' is a symbol of an open heart and an auspicious welcoming. 


Its colourful, devotional presence in the villages area is a well appreciated and respected feature, There are several families of kolams. Different families of Kolams are known by different names around India. They are generically referred to in many parts as “Rangoli” which means rows of colors. The “pulli (dots) or neli (curvy) kolam” is very unique and seen mostly in the southern states.Kerala : 'Puvidal' (Puv means flower and idal means arrangement, i.e. Rangoli by flowers)

Tamil Nadu : 'Kolam' (kolam - name of a specific quality of rice. Rangoli is drawn by using rice flour)
Andhra Pradesh : 'Muggu' (Rangoli drawn by using thick batter of soaked rice flour)
Karnataka : 'Rangoli' (From the powder of a special kind of a rock. Tiny dots are drawn on the floor usually in even numbers. These dots are joined with the powder in a geometrical fashion)
Maharashtra : 'Rangvalli' (Rangoli thick powder made from special rock is used in various colors, and the powder of burnt rice skin is used to draw rangoli in Konkan part of Maharashtra)
Gujarat : 'Sathiya' (Rangoli is known by this name)
Rajasthan : 'Mandana' (rice flour mixed with little turmeric. Rangoli is drawn on the walls)
Madhya Pradesh : 'ChowkPurna' (Traditional designs fitted in square with leaves and flowers)
Uttar Pradesh : Rangoli is known as 'Sona Rakhana'
Orissa : Rangoli is known as 'Ossa'
Almora - Garhawal : Rangoli is well popular known as 'Alpana'
Bengal : In Bengal it is drawn by soak rice paste and known as 'Apana' .
This abstract art has a significant interpretation. It is believed that the dots are symbolic of challenges we encounter in our lives and the curvy line around these dots is the journey we take during the course of our lifetime.Kolams also express mathematical ideas that have recently attracted the attention of scientists in India in developing picture languages for various families of kolams.

Kolam (in Tamil) is a decorative design drawn using rice powder by female members of the family in front of their home, especially near the threshold. A Kolam is a sort of painted prayer -- a line drawing composed of curved loops, drawn around a grid pattern of dots. They are generally symmetric. Kolams are thought to bestow prosperity to the homes. For special occasions limestone and red brick powder to contrast are also used. Though kolams are usually done with dry rice flour, for longevity, dilute rice paste or even paints are also used. Modern interpretations have accommodated chalk, and the latest "technology" in kolams are actually vinyl stickers (that defeat the original purpose).Every morning in southern India, millions of women draw kolams on the ground with white rice powder. Through the day, the drawings get walked on, rained out, or blown around in the wind; new ones are made the next day. Every morning before sunrise, the floor is cleaned with water, the universal purifier, and the muddy floor and swept well for an even surface. The kolams are generally drawn while the surface is still damp so that it is held better. Occasionally, cow-dung is also used to wax the floors. Cow dung has antiseptic properties and hence provides a literal threshold of protection for the home. It also provides contrast with the white powder.

Decoration was not the sole purpose of a Kolam. In olden days, kolams used to be drawn in coarse rice flour, so that the ants don't have to work so hard for a meal. The rice powder is said to invite birds and other small critters to eat it, thus inviting other beings into one's home and everyday life: a daily tribute to harmonious co-existence. Not to be underestimated is the benefits for the artist to bend down each morning - it is said to help her digestive system, reproductive organs and to help overall stretching of the body. It is a sign of invitation to welcome all into the home, not the least of whom is Goddess Lakshmi, the Goddess of prosperity. The patterns range between geometric and mathematical line drawings around a matrix of dots to free form art work and closed shapes. Folklore has evolved to mandate that the lines must be completed so as to symbolically prevent evil spirits from entering the inside of the shapes, and thus are they prevented from entering the inside of the home. It used to be a matter of pride to be able to draw large complicated patterns without lifting the hand off the floor (or unbending to stand up).

Women practice this artistic expression on a daily basis in Southern India. They begin their day with this creative exercise to express simple mathematical patterns in art form. The women decorate their thresholds early every morning with simple designs using rice flour or limestone powder. Rice flour is pinched between the thumb and forefinger and rubbed together while moving the hand along continuously to create the design. One is left guessing as to where the lines began or ended due to the very nature of the curvy lines, for they are generally looped.

Girls begin learning this art form from their female relatives at a very early age. Most kolams are symmetrical patterns and helps in the development of skills such as hand-eye coordination and visual perception. .During the Tamil month of Margazhi (mid Dec- mid Jan) large kolams decorate the courtyards and thresholds of many households When people get married, the ritual kolam patterns created for the occasion can stretch all the way down the street. Patterns are often passed on generation to generation, mother to daughter. Mastery of this art takes a lot of practice and concentration, for even a slight tremble of the fingers or lack of focus can alter the result of the art. The skill and practice required to master this art makes each design created a one of a kind individual experience.

There are different varities of kolams...for ex:Nalvaravu, or welcoming kolams,Thottil Kolams, or cradle kolams,Circle kolams,Snake kolams ,lotus kolam,shariot kolam.Drawing kolams also helps improve dexterity, mental discipline and concentration besides providing an opportunity for problem solving and artistic expression on a daily basis.

PineApple Halwa

My kula devatha Anjaneyar...

Sri Aanjaneya Murthi-ke Jey...

Today is Anuman Jayanthi.On this special occasion I wish to write about my kula devatha. In Special occasions and celebrations with spiritual and religious significance in ones' family. We make yatra to Kuladevatha temples and seek blessings (prasannatha) of family-deities i.e. Kuladevatha .This is the reason why it is customary to write at the top of the invitation cards "Om Shri Kuladevatha Prasanna ".MyParents side Kula devada is Kadayanallur Krishnapuram Anjaneyar. It is in tirunelveli dist.

Devotees of Lord Anjaneya, the temple dedicated to the `Son of Vaayu Bhagawan' at Krishnapuram, near Kadayanallur, in Tirunelveli district comes first, The sthalapuranam of the temple is interesting as SriAnjaneya himself is said to have visited the place during the time of the Ramayana. The six feet high, south-facing Anjaneya at this temple attracts devotees from all parts of Tamil Nadu, who believe that miracles happen in their life within a short period of their visit. The temple situated in the middle of paddy field.

After Ravana abducted Sita, Sri Rama sought the help of Sugriva, the king of Kishkinta, to locate the whereabouts of his beloved wife. And Sugriva, who had returned to power with the help of Sri Rama, sent his forces in all directions. Sri Anjaneya, led a mighty team to the South, with a ring given by Rama. Before the large contingent left Kishkinta in search of Sita, Sugriva asked his friends to return home after a month without fail, so that the next course of action can be designed according to the information gathered during the first phase of the mission.

Except the contingent that left under the leadership of Anjaneya, all the other groups returned to Kishkinta after a month-long search operation that was in vain.Though Anjaneya was not able to collect any vital clues that would lead them to Sita, he moved ahead with the hope of getting useful information about her. They reached a desert-like area after they crossed Vindhya Hills and being famished and thirsty, they began to frantically look for food and water. Then Anjaneya found some birds coming out of a cave looking wet and led his forces to the cave. Inside the cave, they saw a beautiful city, and a meditating tapasvini — Swayamprabha — sitting at the centre.

Sri Anjaneya told her about the purpose of his mission and Swayamprabha offered them fruit and water and told Him the story of the city, which was built by Mayan. Mayan was later killed by Lord Indra, as the architect had committed a sin. Indra, who had to take a holy dip after killing Mayan, prayed to Lord Siva who, in turn, sent a branch of the Ganges to the place. "I was asked to stay here till your visit here. Now it's time for me to leave this place," she said. But Sri Anjaneya asked her to remain there since he had to find Sita.

After Sita was found and rescued by Sri Rama, He, along with Sri Anjaneya came to the place again and Swayamprabha handed over the regime to Sri Anjaneya and left the place. The place, which was then ruled over by Sri Anjaneya, is now called Krishnapuram. The beautiful temple, sitting pretty amidst a paddy field, attracts every passer-by. The actual date of construction of the temple is not known as it dates back to the period of Sri Rama and is now known as Sri Abhayahastha Jayaveera Anjaneya temple.

In sudarakandam Hanuman is described as one for whom nothing is impossible and who is the embodiment of faith, devotion, loyalty to the master, fearlessness and self confidence. Success is the outcome of an attitude like this. If we want to be successful in life we have to combine the above qualities.

This particular Kandam is very important for each one of us because it really enlightens us in our spiritual quest. Hanuman is the awakened soul, Jambavan is the enlightened teacher, the vast ocean is the samasara which each one of us wishes to cross. We have to struggle to overcome the worldly sorrows which form the obstacles.

We may not be always successful in this effort; but if we are undaunted and we have. faith in GOD then we will at the end discover divinity which is manifested in Sita Devi.

I am Reading sundara kandam. from my teenage.It is almost no rules, no bars parayanam.Sundara Kanda parayanam bestows peace and prosperity in household and minds.

"Sri Rama Rama Ramethi, Rame Rame Manorame Sahasara Nama Thuthilyam Rama Nama Varanane."

My Delhi Trip

After twenty two years of me thinking about, dreaming about, researching, speculating, wondering and wishing, it is here. I came to delhi to see my daughter and my cousin family . In this Christmas season I made five days trip. Once in Delhi we saw some spectacular sights.Akshardam lotus temple and Qutb Minar amazed with their architecture. We went to India Gate. I saluted the soldiers who have shed their lives for the sake of country and people. Rashtrapathi Bhavan can be seen from India Gate. We went nearer to the Rashtrapathi Bhavan gate .Near Rashtrapathi Bhavan, we went to Secretariat Metro Station. This is one of the many Metro stations in Delhi. This station is under ground. The moment you enter the station after getting the tickets and security checks, you’ll see one of the technologically advanced metro networks in the world. The station is very clean and informative. Also, inside the train, there are display boards and speaker system. They announce upcoming station and which side door will open. Trains are very good and they maintain the timings. Also, it’s very clean. I felt like I’m in developed country.

Next to visit that day was Delhi Haat.Delhi Haat is a huge ground where you have craftsman and weavers from all around India exhibit their handicrafts & textiles; The best part is that each seller is allowed to exhibit only for few weeks, which guarantees variety and freshness. I didn't expect many people visiting such a place, but was surprised!. I was told that the main reason people come here is the sheer number of food stalls, you have stalls from almost all Indian States (Kashmir to Tamilnadu, Gujarat to Sikkim). This probably is the single largest variety of Indian Cuisines I have ever seen. When I left the place, I was certainly envying Delhiites that this place is not in my place. though I suppose it makes sense for it to be first created in the National Capital.

My cousin arranged travels for couple of days to visit Haridwar, Rishikesh, Agra, Mathura and back to Delhi. First we went to Agra fort, Agra Fort, located at a strategically important position, was the hallmark of Mughal political hegemony established under Akbar the Great (1543-1605). Akbar constructed this impressive fort, and it served as the power center till Shahjahan shifted the capital to Delhi. Agra Fort or the Red Fort is located on the banks of the Yamuna near the railway station, at a distance of less than 2 kilometers from the Taj Mahal.
In the afternoon we went to Agra. I had seen Taj Mahal in papers and television. I never felt it as magnificent monument. But, when I entered the premises and watched it, wow! It is truly a magnificent structure! We were the ones to visit it in peak winter season in blazing sunlight!!! As soon as you enter through the main entrance it’s a feast to the eyes. After getting our fill of looking at the Taj and when the eyes did wander a bit we were puzzled by the sight that met our eyes. The Taj we realized that one has to remove footwear and then go up to see the Taj. Since it was evening, cool air was breezing from river Yamuna. We spent almost 1½ hour here just watching Taj! We headed towards Mathura, birth place of Lord Krishna. After 2 hours journey, we landed in Mathura and went to Krishna temple. This temple is very big and beautiful. There were very strict securities checking while entering the temple. The icons of Krishna and Radha are very nice. Also, there was one big mosque adjacent to the temple. It looked like this mosque was built inside the temple premises.

Then we visit famous spots in Rishikesh. The shared auto dropped us at Ram Jhoola. From there, we took another shared auto up to Laxman Jhoola. At Laxman Jhoola, we waited for the bus to take us to Shivpuri. After waiting for 30 minutes or so, we found a bus. The bus started climbing up the hills. We could see the crystal clear Ganga flowing down the hills. When we reached Shivpuri, we were thrilled to find the amazingly clear transparent water. We could see the boulders and stones from the top of the Ganges water we headed straight for Laxman Jhoola What a sight Laxman Jhoola was! This jhoola connects two ends of Ganga without a single pillar in between. The bridge or the jhoola is held together by strong cables. When we set our feet on the Jhoola, we could feel the bridge moving. Even scooters and motorcycles run without fear over this moving bridge. There were langurs or white monkeys at the other end of the bridge. After Laxman Jhoola, we took a shared auto up to Ram Jhoola, our final destination in Rishikesh. Ram Jhoola is exactly like Laxman Jhoola; however, it was built earlier. Instead of going across Jhoola, we took a shared boat to go to other side of Ganges. We walked up to other side of the Ganges river through Ram Jhoola. The entire Gita Bhawan area was shining like a jewel. I wanted to stay in Rishikesh for few more days but time was not on our side. We took a shared auto to reach back to Rishikesh bus stand. We thanked God for giving us an opportunity to visit Rishikesh :) I never wanted to come back, it’s beautiful.

We had a superb road and a series of flyovers from Delhi to Gurgaon, the malls in this place are too good. Absolutely world class. Finally, I look up There is always something going on and anything you want you can have for the right price. However, there are people everywhere, and you have to fight to get what you want and find the things you want even if you are willing to pay for them. It's an incredible city. Diverse, like any big city. In Delhi though, all of those different ethnicities, social groups, economic classes, and lifestyles coexist, literally, side by side. There is no one "nice" part of the city, and any one area that is the "other side of the tracks." No wonder, India would become developed country in future... it was time to say good bye to Delhi.