Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Lost In Thoughts...

Lost in thought.. I started analazsing about me..
Self analyzing thing is not just thoughts, this is the thought process which talks about actions whatever I had done in the past, my fear, my mistakes and my own thoughts, my good stuff…etc etc and the present and future too…. just trying to analyze our past and try to correct our present, and to think about our future. This is one of the hardest things...that would only result in more pain. The difficulty is during self analysis one sees the worst of oneself. Trying to find answers to all my whys and putting forth some why nots!!

I am looking for love and friendship, but could not find anyone We are all leading a fruitless life.. Whom you love they not love you. Every relation is for personal gain. Nobody is satisfied. Can any body tell with certainty that I have got what I want, and by getting ?I could not find any meaning. What ever is happening is just like we are moving aimlessly…

Love Unrealistic Expectations,trust Sometimes putting too much of blind faith, in someone once we thought understand us back fires! which are proving In failing relationships makes us unhappy. And nothing hurts more than that once that feeling comes that whom you trusted blindly shows discontent , mistrust suddenly wrapped..May be over time we accept the situation or bitterness resolves. The pain left behind is invincible. The small cries form the little corner of the heart. I wish I too could get over with my old time habit of blindly ,loving, expeting affection trusting, from friends, colleagues and other relationships.

I asks my self? Why do I allow them to take advantage of my emotional dependence?. . It hurts but I still remain the same. The passionate feelings are still there between me but I have to move on, On realizing I have had to consciously put in an effort to make amends… Why we did this and that...etc this also leads to self-pity moods, Ifeel ugly, bad, and good. Then there were many tears and exchange of bad vibesIn and out of the heart and mind, Icried within, alone But that too betrays on and off, bringing back thoughts.Which keep haunting the mind and making things worse.One of the good things about this is,

Whatever feelings are currently going through you, and whatever thoughts are bombarding my mind will determine the next steps that are going to take in my life. I have discovered a number of areas in my life that require change.. After this painful process can I think rightly and do right things… we can truthfully analyze about our good things and bad things in this course of actions.

Except we can avoid some things and sometimes we cannot, for that we cannot take responsibility, but for most of the actions we can take responsibility and we can do better than this… that is the power of this self-analyzing process…freeing our selves! we all have a purpose in life. Something’s coming, and I’m thinking it’s a good thing.The thing is, do we know what we are meant to do?

When I finish writing,I do not know how to block my thoughts I try to shut my mind in past memories... I lost in thoughts...